See the resemblance?

Anyone who has had a college class with me probably knows that my favorite way to get through a class is by drawing the professor. That little habit is now coming back to haunt me. Halfway through my last class, I looked up and one of the girls who had finished working early was drawing something. I asked her what it was and she started giggling and tried to hide it. Her friends all started laughing and saying "teacher, it's you!" At first, the artist started denying it, "no, not you, not you!" but then her friends pointed out that the person in the picture had on the same outfit that I did and the same hairstyle. At this, she started blushing, covering her face and saying, "I'm sorry, teacher!"

See the resemblance? Super tall, size 0, and Asian...? I have to say, I was never quite as generous to the subjects of my drawings.

The sad part was, when I asked her if she wanted to be an artist, she shook her head violently and said that her father hits her when she draws pictures! He wants her to be a teacher. Unfortunately, that's the story with many of my students.

"I will cheer you up."

I had to meet my boss today and drive downtown to turn in paperwork for my immigration card. Our conversation covered topics like, trust ("we need to have a trust between us, in America they don't have"), kindergarten, life here, motorcycles (he keeps warning me not to go on motorcycle rides), teachers that died here (probably told to scare me from going on motorcycle rides), and my favorite - depression. That part of the conversation went like this:

Boss: Dana, if you ever feel depressed, like bottom line, I will cheer you up.

Me: (laughing) Ok, thank you.

Boss: Serious, when you get really, really depressed and it's the bottom line, send me text and i will take you to a place that is very, very great.

Me: (still laughing and wondering where this place is) Well, hopefully I won't get depressed anytime soon!

Boss: (trying to show me the seriousness of the situation) I know great place to cheer you up. We have a trust so when you get to the bottom line, I will take you. Ok?

Me: Ok, thank you!

This conversation came up out of the blue, and he made no mention of where or what this place is. I'm tempted to fake depression just to find out.

Chachi?!

I made it out of the week and into my first weekend in Korea, and I can honestly say I have never been so excited for the week to be over. Anyway, my first Saturday here turned out to be very eventful, with the high point being when I was picked out of the water and onto a jet ski by a random Korean guy for the scariest jet ski ride of my life (there were two guys, so both Paula and I got scary rides), and the low point being a tie between when I got poked, slapped, and called "Chachi" by an old Korean woman, and when I got thrown into the ocean (fully clothed) by an older French man in a speedo-ish swim suit (only joking, it wasn't that terrible).

About getting slapped by a grandma...

I went out to meet Paula on the street in typical beach attire (swim suit with shorts and a tank top over it), and as I was walking toward he

r, this little old Korean woman pulling a cart was just leaving her and walking toward me. The Korean lady stopped in front of me and pointed to me and then to Paula, saying "Chachi!" and then poked me hard in my chest and slapped my shoulder, all the while wearing a grin on her face and repeating the word "Chachi!" I looked up at Paula, bewildered, to see her cracking up but wearing the same confused expression and holding her shoulder where she had just been slapped. The old lady continued to yell at me (still smiling) and slap me, so I finally threw my hands up and said "I'm sorry, I don't know!" and ran over to Paula. We decided it must have been that we were revealing too much skin, according to older Koreans, by showing our shoulders, even though most younger korean girls wear much less than we were wearing.

About getting attacked by French man...

From there, we boarded a bus and took an hour long ride out to some beach city that I don't remember the name of. When we got there we joined up with a couple of Paula's friends, who were with a group of French engineers. Paula and I went straight to the water, just to see how cold it was, and out of nowhere I felt a pair of arms encircle me, pick me up, and run me into the water. I was surprised enough just because I didn't know anyone else there so I thought surely some random guy wouldn't throw me in. I kept yelling to let me down but the arms then threw me, clothes and all, into a huge incoming wave. Thankfully the water was pretty nice. Unthankfully, when I looked up to see who had done that, I saw a much older man (later thirties, early forties, maybe?) in a speedo-ish shorts, standing there and grinning at me. I looked at the beach and the entire group of French engineers were laughing. Once I got back and the French chef gave me his towel to dry off, the speedo guy walked over (still grinning) and introduced himself as Serge.

The foreigners at the beach are the only ones that wear swimsuits here. Despite the hot, humid weather, the Koreans come fully clothed and then some. Not only that, but they swim fully clothed, too.

*Addition...I was in bed by midnight tonight and ready for sleep when I received this text: "r u asleep? we can play in a castle!" from Paula. This lead to a 15 minute walk through the rice fields, in our pajamas, to a castle to meet up with some of the other teachers, and then a return trip back through the countryside at 3 a.m. I think our director would have had a heart attack had he seen that (He is VERY conservative and has strong opinions. I would love for him to have seen his two female teachers walking through the countryside at midnight in their pajamas). Only in Korea.

Teacher, how much is your weight?

In order to use up more class time during my first week without lesson plans, I've started each class period asking the students if they have any questions for me. Mistake? Probably. Here are some of the questions I've had to answer over the past two days, with some of the answers I've given...

*You married? No. (Always the first question)

*Do have car? Nope. (No license either but they don't need to know that)

*Do have boyfriend? Yes (Otherwise they go around saying I'm with Dave, my dad's 52 year old best friend - awkward).

*Have kissed boyfriend? Ew.

*Boyfriend has car? Yep.

*Boyfriend has sports car? Yep (to which they all respond with a collective "ooooooooo").

*Do have brother? Yes.

*Is brother handsome? Yes, again.

*Can we see picture? No (I showed one class and the girls agreed but the boy said he was disappointed!).

*Teacher, how much your kilograms? I don't know kilograms.

*Then how much your American weight? 115 pounds (and then they all pulled out their calculators and converted it to kilograms).

*Dave is your boyfriend? Noooo.

*Dave is your uncle? Yes...? (Sometimes yes, depending on if I'm in the mood to explain the real connection or not)

*Where you live? Ju-yak dong

*What apartments you live in? Hyundai.

*What is your floor and number? No way.

*What does your favorite man look like?

Explanation for the last one: I didn't understand the question so one girl said "Example- my favorite man would have big eyes and gold hair." They were asking what my ideal man would be.

Did I mention I'm required to teach in slippers? Oh, and I had a kindergarten boy today dressed in a tight leopard print tank top and tight, bright blue highwaters, pulled down just low enough to show off some neon green underwear. I will now be taking my camera to classes with me.

And the craziness begins.

I'm two hours into my first day of teaching and already trying to ward off a panic attack. That may be a little overdramatic but I'm definitely in panic mode at this point. This morning my boss and his wife walked me over early to the kindergarten where I am supposed to teach from 10am to 12pm - four 30 minute classes. I was also supposed to get some sort of curriculum, which I still have no received. We got there half an hour early and they sat me down, served me tea, and then proceeded to have a 30 minute conversation with the Kindergarten director about me in Korean, glancing my way every couple sentences. Once that was over with, they showed me to a classroom and herded a group of 20-25 little Koreans in and then left me. I spent the first minute and a half staring at them as they yelled and made indian noises at me (the kind you see in peter pan), wondering how the hell I was going to start teaching this group of 5 year olds that don't understand anything I'm saying. I finally began by introducing myself, to which they responded by repeating everything I was saying. I tried asking them to tell me their names, and they asked it right back at me. After several minutes of motioning and trying to get them to answer, I pulled out a book and settled for showing them pictures. They seemed to enjoy that for awhile, and when their attention started to leave, I put in a cd and we did songs the rest of the class (picture me in front of 25 kindergarteners, singing, dancing and trying to get them to join me).

After two classes like that, a Korean lady came in and proceeded tell me what to do next, all in Korean. After it was clear to her that I had no idea what she was saying, we began what turned into a 10 minute (literally!) exchange of hand motions, pointing, and repeating words slowly in our own languages, to no avail. We finally both just burst out laughing and she walked me to the door, pointed in the direction of Oxford English Academy, and I left. Keep in mind, I was told I had four classes there that morning and I had only taught two of them. I walked back, laughing at myself the whole way. When I was able to get ahold of Mr. Lee, my boss, he called the kindergarten and realized that there had been a misunderstanding and they had combined the four classes into two. I'm told this is typical Korean behavior- to change plans at the last minute or just not plan at all.

Anyway, that was the first hour of my day. Now on to the next 8.

I knew I would love Korea when...

Since arriving in Korea 5 days ago, I have already seen and experienced so many bizarre things (bizarre to me, at least). I'll start with the moments in the past few days that let me know without a doubt that I'm in the right place.

I knew I would love Korea when...

...the first thing my new boss said to me when I got off the plane was, "You looked healthy in your picture." When I asked what he meant by that, he responded with, "No offense, but in your picture you looked fatter."

...the second thing my new boss said to me was, "Do you like to sing?" And when I answered with a shrug and a "yeah, sure," he responded with: "Good! You can be the lead singer for our worship team at church!"

...my new boss asked me (very seriously) to please not die or get very sick right away because my insurance wouldn't be ready for a few days.

...I showered for the first time in a shower with no curtain or barrier between it and the rest of the bathroom, soaking the entire room.

...my boss told me I must go with his wife to the bathhouse, where Korean women strip and walk around together naked in a large room with heated pools, shower stations, and saunas.

...I was convinced to eat a raw silkworm, not knowing that they are meant to be steamed/cooked and mixed with other things.

...my new co-workers told me (repeatedly) that my first 6 weeks would be hell and that I was being "thrown to the lions" by being given kindergarten with no lesson plans on top of the normal grades, but not to panic.

...I went in for a health check that consisted of stripping and putting on old parachute pants and a bathrobe for a chest xray, attaching little suction cups all over my chest for a "heart test," peeing into a cup that read "tasters choice" on the front of it, and having my arm grabbed and stuck with a needle for a blood test with no warning. All the while not having any idea what to do and being pushed and prodded until I complied with whatever it was they needed from me.

....my boss told me he could not help me with my heavy groceries because people would "make gossip," and as soon as he decided to "screw it" and help me, the ladies selling vegetables on the street began talking about how I must be his wife, to which he responded with some angry Korean comment and gave my groceries back to me.

These are silkworms, which are supposed to be steamed or fried and mixed with spices and other food.