Cultural difference or just plain rude?

The other day, my boss was driving my co-worker, Jesse, and I to our adult business-English classes in the next city over, as he does every Monday-Thursday. During this ride, I decided to bring up my departure, which is quickly nearing. I started like this,

"Mr. Lee, when should I start looking for a ticket to go back to the U.S.?"

In response, he burst out laughing and said "Oh, that is a really awkward question! A Korean man who doesn't know American culture would think you are being rude!"

I was a bit surprised and told him that I was not trying to be rude, just wondering when I should get my departure ticket for, since I will be leaving soon. He told me HE understood, but another Korean man might think I was saying "I want to get out of here!" Anyway, he went on to say that if I ever return to Korea, I should contact him because International friendships are important. THEN, out of nowhere (or maybe because we had just talked about friendships and he felt comfortable enough to do this?), he said:

"You know, Dana, you have been gaining and losing weight a lot recently. That is what happens when people take drugs."

Jesse then piped in with, "Now THAT is an awkward question!"

I was a bit shocked and flustered by that and started laughing and then going on about how I haven't noticed any significant weight gain or loss but who knows because in winter I don't exercise as much because it's so cold outside so it's possible I've gained and lost some weight but the scale has never showed more than a 5 pound difference, blah, blah, blah. I then realized that possibly more important than his opinion on my weight changes was his suggestion that I take drugs. I switched tracks and said, "Mr. Lee, do you think I take drugs?!"

He then started laughing and said "That never came to my mind, I was just surprised at how much weight you gained a few weeks ago. I know you don't take drugs but if you see on TV, when the actors lose and gain weight it is because they are on drugs." Then he went on to say that maybe it was because of how I was dressing (lots of layers seeing as its Winter!).

When I got to my adult (all male) class, I brought that up and asked if that was normal in Korea. They all had a good laugh, first, and then said that a man should never say that to a women in Korea, BUT if it's your boss, well then..what can you do? So apparently comments on your weight are OK as long as they are coming from your employer. Good to know.

Korean Winters

I blame my lack of updates on the Korean winter. It has been so cold here that I don't know what to do with myself. Up until now, my winters have been spent either on the equator or in sunny southern California. I didn't know what harsh was until I came here. Yikes.

Also due to the winter, I have fallen into a somewhat monotonous pattern of work, home, sleep and occasionally meeting friends for dinner. There was one sunny day in my memory since coming back from Ecuador during which I was able to rollerblade with my friend Christina, and there was a recent four day vacation during which I braved thechill and went on a four day hiking/camping trip. The hiking trip was well worth the time in the cold and we were able to summit a few peaks, as well as fight with a couple belligerent Koreans(one of them was a drunk elderly-ish man who ate our dinner, threw our stove around several times, and was just all around rude). I was a bit disappointed that I didn't see any of the infamous Korean girls hiking in their high heels (it really does happen!).

I'm racking my brain for more information to share, and the only thing that is coming to me at the moment is that my hair is bright red, after requesting a dark brown at the salon last week. I'd like to say it was a miscommunication, but when you point to a specific hair sample in the color that you want, it's hard to be misunderstood..no language barriers when it comes to pointing and hand motions. And if there was any argument, I'll add that I even learned my colors recently and backed up my pointing with the Korean word for brown. Twenty minutes in, I noticed the dye turning a very red-looking color, so I called my hair person over to me and said "brown, not red?" and she brought me the sample book again, pointed to the BROWN color I had chosen, and assured me this was the right color. Come time to take off the towel and there was no question that what I had was not brown hair. I pointed to my hair and said "RED!" and my hair person smiled and replied, "yes, but beautiful!" Thankfully I was able to convince myself that red isn't so bad and I actually enjoy it now :). (Pictures are more recent so the red has died down a bit!)

I might as well give an update on my work schedule, since it is constantly changing. I now spend my mornings teaching rowdy little Korean kindergarteners, my afternoons teaching lessons to elementary aged children at my hagwon, and my nights in a completely different city, teaching adult males business English for two hours. Apparently studying International Business in college qualifies me for this. Tonight was actually my first night. My co-worker and I each must take one of these classes every night, in a city 20 minutes away from Jinju and at a well-known engineering company that manufactures airplanes and helicopters. My eyes got visibly wider when I walked in (already nervous) and realized my class was made up of all men, all very smart, qualified engineers, and all older than me. I started sweating upon entry and was told by my students to calm down several times, mainly after I realized I was reading them answers for a certain activity from the wrong script and had thoroughly confused all of them. They were decent enough to laugh with me, though, and from there it went pretty smoothly. One man (late 40's maybe?) told me had had to leave halfway through class, but now that he has seen the teacher, he doesn't want to. I wasn't really sure how to take that. They all loved my red/brown hair story and used it in many of the practice dialogues I asked them to perform, so I guess some more good came out of that incident, too. By the end of the class I was fairly comfortable with them, but I don't know if I will ever be comfortable enough to reprimand my "elders." Tomorrow I will be there again, but with a new class of all adults. Maybe they'll throw in a female or two for me? I'll let you know.

The 3rd time's a charm...

...or so I hope, seeing as I've been in 3 car accidents now within the past 4 weeks (I'm really hoping my quota has been satisfied). It's a running joke among my co-workers that I have the worst luck of anyone, ever (one of them has even suggested taking me to her Seer). By saying that, they are not only referring to my recent car accidents, but also to everything else about my time in Korea - having moved 4 times in the past 6 months, having a constantly changing (and never desirable) schedule, being sick more often then not, issues with my boss not wanting to honor my contract and promising me things that were never delivered, etc. The kicker was when, after I got hit by a taxi and was in the emergency room, my boss started cracking up and saying that I have the worst luck of anyone he knows. Funny he would say that, since HE has been the reason for the majority of what people would call my bad luck (car accidents not included).

When I say it all together like that, it does sound like some higher power is out to get me, but it has all been delivered in doses and really hasn't seemed that terrible. In fact, as I've said many times, I've really enjoyed my time here and it's been a great experience. Given everything that has happened, I feel the need to keep reassuring everyone of that. Now, since I'm sure everyone's dying to hear the details of my most recent "bad luck," I'll share:

Car accident #1: About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I was in my friend Scott's car with him, his dog (Baker), and three other guy friends. Wewere in Busan traffic on the way back from a day of rock climbing. I was up front in the passenger seat with Baker, a big white husky, between my legs, and the other three guys were in the back. Driving in Korea is a bit crazy and we had already accomplished a series of maneuvers that should never be tried at home. When we hit ared light, one of the guys in the back noticed a box of rotting tangerines back there with them and decided that a grenade launch was in order. We had just so happened to have pulled up right next to a truck, so the guy decided to launch the tangerine from his window on the opposite side of the car, over the car and into the bed of the truck. As he was preparing to do this, the light turned green and a couple of us yelled at him to hurry up and go. Scott (thedriver), who was watching the launch, heard those words and thought they were directed at him, so instead of looking for himself, he pushed the gas pedal and we lurched forward...right into the car in front of us. Oops. His car was totaled but none of us sustained any serious injuries- just some whiplash and a bump on the head. No more car though.

Car accident #2 (about a week following the first one): This is the one where I get hit by a taxi. I got off of work around 6:20 pm, two days before I was supposed to fly home to Ecuador for Christmas vacation, and walked down the main street to a Korean restaurant where I like to get tuna (chamchi) kimbap. After eating, I decided to go to my bank to pull out some money. As I was walking a long the street (on the sidewalk), I noticed the pedestrian crosswalk light turn green, and decided to cross the street instead. Big mistake. I wrongly assumed that cars would stop at the red light, and was shocked to feel a sudden impact to my lower back. Before I knew it, I had tumbled onto the hood of the car, hit the windshield, and was flying through the air back towards the ground. The thought going through my head was, "this is not going to end well for me." Surprisingly, I hit the ground on my hands and knees and was able to stand up, very shakily. I was sure my back would be broken, or something like that, but when I realized I could stand, I then turned to the car (a taxi) and yelled very loudly at the driver (something that probably shouldn't be repeated). I then started gathering my things, which were scattered throughout the street. A number of people ran over to help me, and one man was trying to guide me across the street to the hospital when the taxi driver finally got out and took me instead into his taxi. I was still too shocked to make any decisions so I let myself be led to the back seat, as he had another passenger in the front. He then continued on his way, delivering his first passenger to theirdesired destination, while I was in the back wondering what was going on. When the other passenger got out, he turned to me and started asking me a string of questions that I didn't understand. I kept saying "chogum hongul" to him, which means "very little Korean," but neither of us seemed to be getting through to each other. I finally thought to call my Korean co-teacher and have her talk to him. He then took me to a hospital close by and she sent my boss over to meet me there. The taxidriver walked me in to the emergency room, explained the situation, and then gave his information. My boss got there and made sure I had ex rays taken and medicine prescribed, and then walked me home, laughing about my bad luck, which actually turned out to be good luck since he gave me the next day off of work (and that NEVER happens here).

Car accident #3 (about a week after #2, maybe less): This one took place during my Christmas vacation in Ecuador, with my family and family friend, Fransisco. We had already spent a couple days in the jungle, come back in time to spend Christmas day at home, and had been packing and preparing for our climbing trip to the mountain Altar. Kerry's friend Fransisco was coming with us, and my dad was going to drive his Chevy four -door truck. We left around 3 AM when the streets were almost deserted. At the start of the drive, someone made a joke about my dad's driving and Fransisco made a show of putting his seat belt on, while Kerry and Iignored ours. The three of us in the back (Fransisco, Kerry and I) fell asleep quickly andremained that way until about 2 hours later when we were awakened by my dad's voice telling us to wake up and brace ourselves. We all woke up in timeto see the taxi (what is it with taxis, anyway?) in front of us spin out of control and slide sideways. My dad slammed on the breaks but that caused our car to lose control as well and we went sliding (almost as if in slow motion) straight towards ANOTHER car which had already crashed into the side of a cliff and was surrounded by people. We all braced ourselves and our truck slammed into the little Fiat and all the people scattered. None of us were hurt, but it was shocking. We looked at the little Fiat, which was completely crushed, and saw a group of live pigs in the trunk that we had crashed into (which had been crushed open). Surprisingly the pigs all seemed to be alive and well. The cause of the accident? A mudslide in the road which hadcaused all of the cars to spin out of control. Try telling that to the Ecuadorian police, though. To make a long story short, since another car was involved in thecrash, my dad had to be taken in to the Ambato police station and was held there for the entire day and night, while the rest of us stayed in a nearby hotel. He would have been put in a jail cell had he not called a high-ranking official that he knows, who was able to speed the process along and keep him out of the very full jail cell. As it goes in Ecuador, you are guilty until proven innocent. Never mind the landslides and natural disasters. Needless to say, our climbing/camping trip was cancelled and we made the following day's newspaper (see picture). We ended up taking a lovely beach vacation instead, complete with beautiful weather and great seafood.

You foolish American

My co-worker, Paula, shared this video with me. If you want some insight (although very exaggerated) into the system here, please watch it. It's hilarious because the issues it brings up are so real. Myself and others here have experienced this first hand.

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7839719/ (Watch before reading further!)

Since the video is titled "Why You Shouldn't Teach English in Korea," I feel the need to express that, despite some of these very real issues, I still love working here and so far it has been a very worthwhile experience (I plan on coming back for a second year!). I have also been paid on time, every time, although I can't say the same for some of my other friends here. It's like a game of chance- you never know what kind of situation you will be put into, what kind of boss you will have, if he/she will honor any or all parts of your contract, etc.

My favorite line from the video is, "You foolish American, you're treating your contract like it's a contract." That line is so funny to me because my boss has all but said those same words to me, during the time when he was asking me work extra hours, live in a home stay instead of the promised apartment, and not take any sick days when I was sick.

The other day, a friend of mine told me about a conversation he had with his Korean co-teacher, who found it funny that Americans were so "contract-oriented." He said that if a Korean was asked to do something outside of his/her contract, he/she would do it without question, and that is expected in this culture. Americans come here and are shocked at that. How dare someone ask us to do anything not included in our contract? We see it as though we are being cheated, while they (Koreans) see it simply as their duty. That reminded me of a conversation I had with my boss a couple months ago. He told me, during one of those times when he was asking me to do extra work, that the more work I do, the more I will be respected, and that that is how you earn respect here- by doing more than you are expected to do. I was not very happy to hear that since I was sick and already working full time, but I now realize that maybe that was a cultural thing, instead of some manipulation by my boss to get me to do more work.

I am still a firm believer in sticking to the contract and avoiding getting run down, stressed, and overworked, but at least now I understand the other side, too.

A storm is brewing in Korea

Or is it? With all that has been happening over the past year here, you'd think the Korean people would be suffering from anxiety, fear and anger, among others. Oddly enough though, in my time here, I have come across no such feelings.

Earlier in the year, there was the sinking of the South Korean ship, which I was not here for but which caused quite a stir. Since I've been here, North Korea has fired on South Korea twice, all in the past month. These confrontations have all been near the border of North and South Korea, far north of where I now reside (Jinju is a small city about as far south as you can get in South Korea). It may be for this reason that the people I am surrounded by seem un-phased by the attacks.

At the beginning of the month, around the time when the G20 Summit occurred in Seoul, the North Koreans fired a few shots into South Korean territory. When this happened, I asked my Korean hostess if she had heard about it and she said no and that she doesn't watch the TV, with no noticeable concern. Then, yesterday, the South Koreans were doing some military drills near disputed waters. North Korea warned the south to halt, and when they refused, the North Koreans started firing rounds on one of South Korea's islands, Yeonpyeong. South Korea retaliated by firing off rounds of their own. You may have seen the news: around 60 houses on the island were set on fire, several soldiers and some civilians were injured, and two ROK marines were killed (this bit of news has probably been updated by now but that is what I've heard, so far). They are saying there could be considerable North Korean casualties. I've heard from a couple people in Seoul and they have expressed some fear concerning the attack, but when Dave and I asked our boss about it, he merely laughed and asked if we were worried. I asked why he was laughing and he replied that worse things have happened, and these things happen every year. This seems to be the general feeling down here in little Jinju, though I can't speak for the rest of South Korea. Life goes on, and when these events occur, the people joke about them and shrug them off as though it will never touch them.

The South Koreans that I have come into contact with during my time here all seem to see North Korea as a joke. During my tour of the DMZ, the American soldier that gave us the tour had some bad jokes to tell about the North Koreans and had us laughing at their childish behavior. That basically sums up everything I've heard about North Korea from the South Koreans- jokes and laughter but no serious fear or anxiety about the current situation. Life goes on and no seems to worry that anything more may come of this. I hope they are right.

Here is a link to a news article that talks a bit about the feelings South Koreans living in Seoul have toward what is going on. It sounds like they (those living in Seoul), being much closer to the border, are a bit more concerned, but for the most part still don't see this as a serious threat and will continue about their daily lives as usual.

SO Korean

I just got home from one of my tutoring lessons, where I help a middle school boy with his essay writing. Today's essay was a compare and contrast essay, and in the hour and a half that I spend sitting there and daydreaming while he writes, I started comparing and contrasting Korea with any other place I've lived. There were so many things that seem unique to Korea, so I came up with a list of things that are just so Korean.

KIMCHI: I'll start with the obvious ones, such as being served Kimchi with EVERY SINGLE MEAL. I still wake up in the morning thinking of pancakes and french toast, only to be served soup and rice with Kimchi for breakfast (and lunch, and dinner, at any and every restaurant).

UNIQUE STYLE: It always seemed to me that, while there are many trends in America, Americans tend to add their own uniqueness to their style, being similar but still different from everyone else. In Korea, I see no such desire to be "different." THE style is very obvious and everywhere. For women, the hair style is straight across bangs and hair chopped straight at the shoulders. The look isn't complete though without the big square glasses, oversized sweater, and pair of converse shoes. For the guys, the "pretty boy" look (as the korean girls call it) is desirable, complete with slim jeans, polo shirt, scarf, and pea coat.

PINK ANIMATED SOCKS ON OLDER MEN: Another thing I've never noticed anywhere else is the use of "character socks" by all ages and genders here. Character socks are ankle length socks with different animated characters on them, in all kinds of colors. I've now gotten used to seeing them on my middle to high school aged boys, as well as the old men walking around the streets in sandals and many times pink character socks. They're available just about everywhere for 1,000 won (just under $1.00).

MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: Anywhere you go in Korea, you're bound to see a group of girls, mirrors out, just looking at themselves. They do this on the busses, in restaurants, on the streets, etc. I assume this is why mirrors are include on everything from wallets to cell phone charms here. There are mirrors in every elevator and entrance, and if that isn't enough, you will always see people standing in the middle of the sidewalk, checking their appearance in the nearest window reflection.

BOY BANDS: Lets just say that if the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync had moved their act to Korea, they would probably still be as popular as ever. K-pop is the music of Korea, and boy/girl bands are all the rage.

BABY PERMS: About half my kindergarteners have them. You have to make sure your baby is in style.

RAINBOW DOGS: Ask any of my students what color a dog would be, and they'll give you a very confused look. Why? Because in Korea, a dog can be any color you want it to be. You will rarely see big dogs here (too scary), but you'll see plenty of very colorful, small dogs. The ears, tails, and even whiskers are sure to be dyed a bright pink, green, orange or blue.

HALLOWEEN EVERY DAY: Just kidding. Koreans don't celebrate Halloween, but I don't go a day without seeing Korean women that remind me of the holiday. Masks are commonplace and many are made to cover the entire face, leaving a slit/flap open for the eyes and mouth. I still do a doubletake when I pass them on the street. The look is usually completed with a big visor.

ACCESSORIES: Accessory stores are everywhere and there is never a bad time to wear an oversized bow in your hair or a headband with minnie mouse ears.

Halloween is for Witches

Halloween isn't widely celebrated in Korea, although I hear there are festivities wherever there is a high concentration of foreigners (such as in Busan or Seoul). Also, most hagwons have some sort of celebration, in order to bring some American culture to the students via the foreign teachers. Paula and I thought it would be a great idea to have a halloween celebration at our hagwon, and even started planning everything from dressing up to candy for the kids. We figured it was a go since our boss loves when we plan events for the kids. I told my Korean family (the family I live with) about it and they seemed very excited about it, too. Anyway, the other day, I was in the teacher's office with the other teachers when our boss walked in. I told him the idea and asked if we could get a letter sent out to with the students about it. His response?

"No, I believe Halloween is for witches."

I was a little shocked by that response and I guess he could read it on my face because he quickly added, "But how bout we have a really big Christmas party?"

My family was pretty excited for it so I'll probably take the kids over to the other teacher's houses for some trick-or-treating.

Speaking of my Korean family...the family is a couple with two kids (14 yr old girl and a 7 yr old boy), and they have all but adopted me. The dad works in a different city so he only comes home on weekends, so that leaves the mom and kids. The daughter, Lilly, is one of the students at our academy and is a lot of fun. Every night when she gets home and I'm not home, she'll send me a text saying simply, "Where?"

Her younger brother, William, is very quiet and shy but occasionally has spurts of energy during which he'll yell out random English phrases like, "you can buy your friends!"

The mom speaks enough English that we can communicate, with some help from Lilly, and she is extremely nice.

I've spent a lot of time with them in the past couple weeks and have actually really enjoyed it. They invited me and Jesse to their grandmother's birthday party in a neighboring city the other weekend, and I was able to experience a traditional Korean birthday meal, including everything from birthday sea-weed soup to octopus tentacles to porridge, and many other unidentifiable things. We were seated on the floor around a very long table, and every single inch of it was covered in little dishes to try. Then that night the younger uncle took Jesse and I out to sushi with some of his friends. That was another new experience. Instead of sushi rolls, like I was expecting, we were served huge plates with slabs of raw fish on them. This was followed by about 8 other courses which included, among other things, fish eggs in rice, octopus, and something that was still moving when I ate it.

Also new to me is this FREEZING COLD weather. It's only fall and I feel like I'm going to get frostbite. I don't know how I'm going to make it through winter here!